Planning a nursery, parents think of that create the new world for the child, with the laws and requirements a little. Hence, the room of the child should differ from a room of the adult person as any things and the subjects surrounding the child, are considered by it as the primary source for comprehension of the "big" world. The nursery interior is very important not only for the child, but also for parents since at small age the child understands the world through a prism of parental manuals and councils. Not to lose a mutual understanding thread - listen and try to understand the child. The more richly and nasyshchennee details environment surrounding the child, the better. A variety of things, toys, colours will help development creative, intellectual and physical strengths of the child. Forget a word "minimalism", it in this case is absolutely excluded.

The nursery should be divided into functional zones: a rest zone, a zone of employment, a dream zone. And these zones should answer necessarily to physiological and anatomic structure of a body of the child, after all the children's furniture considerably differs from furniture for adults not only on reduced in the general size, but also on the proportions. Consider age features and features of perception of world around to create a nursery. Remember that the child of preschool age perceives a thing as a whole and the small features connected with any subject, are not fixed by it and not remembered. Therefore at this age subjects should be slightly exaggerated, but so that the child could seize their hands. Furniture it is necessary to arrange so that the bedside table did not stir to the approach to a bed, and the chair did not prevent to open a case.

In an ideal, equipping a nursery, it is necessary to use a natural material as psychologists prove for a long time already its positive influence on mentality of the small little man. On walls it is better pokleit wall-paper since for normal development the child of preschool age should draw on them. For it this employment is very important, it varies and together with itself changes the world surrounding it. The floor in a children's room should be warm. Even if it really warm, in nurseries is recommended to put a carpet or a carpet covering with any interesting plot that it was interesting to the child. The best carpet coverings have a jute basis, they can be pasted to a floor, and it is possible to lay and is simple so. They antistatichny, nevosplamenjaemy, are impregnated grjazeottalkivajushchimi by means, easily give in to cleaning, do not burn out on the sun.

The light decision should be raznourovnevym: the top illumination can be traditional - a chandelier which on style will be executed according to design of a room. It is very important to have a desk lamp or a sconce in a room. Fixtures-night lamps allow to create intimate, cosy atmosphere, and also differentiate a premise on functional zones. The switch should be placed at such height that the child could switch on and off light at the desire.

Colour predilections at children at younger age vary very often. At first they give preferences to bright and juicy tones. At the age of 9-11 years they are declined towards green and yellow colours. After 12 years the abstract thinking dictates dark blue colour in room registration. The child expresses these the emotional condition which is necessary for considering at interior creation. In a children's room the clear and affable mood should reign. The colour score of MAINly light warm shades creates cheerful, easy mood then opticheski rooms seem is more spacious and is cosier. Yellow all shades does a premise spacious. Flavovirent warm shades in light tones opticheski expand a premise, and in dark - narrow. Negative action on mentality of children is rendered by the surfaces painted white and black colour.

The room of the teenager should stimulate its creative development. It should have possibility in self-expression and not hide all feelings in itself(himself). Requirements of teenagers vary every day, therefore its room will be updated almost monthly. If in a room of the teenager sharp, contrast combinations of colours (especially black-and-white) prevail, it speaks about its unstable mental condition. Red-black combinations testify to high level of aggression: if the teenager thus and really behaves defiantly, it still half-troubles if outwardly it seems to you quiet, business is worse, after all the latent negative threatens with illnesses and various neurosises. But if the teenager does not bring in an interior anything the is a serious alarm signal - the child leaves in itself. It often happens, when at parents relations among themselves are not got on or the child had any serious problems. Think of it and help the child to feel balance again. If the child does not get out because of the computer is also is a serious indicator of its condition. Transfer technics to a room where the family more often gathers. So it will get out is more often of the room and to communicate with the native.

To the child as the independent person, attention and care of parents which irrespective of material welfare try to create a cosiness and heat for the child are important. Coming back every day in the world, the small little man constantly grows, changes and worries the feelings. It moves all emotions to the room and by that opens for itself again and again surprising world of children's pleasure.

According to a site

As they say, we marry the favourite person, instead of for its relatives. But we do not choose the mother-in-law. What to do, if for easy relations to wait it is not necessary?

Joke in a theme. One friend shares with another family news: "the Daughter has married. Yes so it is successful! The husband of coffee submits to bed, new things buys, apartment cleans, all salary to copeck — in the family budget. And here the wife has got to the son the useless. On the house does nothing, one rags on mind. The son himself everywhere turns - and houses, and on work, moreover to it in the mornings coffee in bed submits!" Isn't that so, an excellent illustration of different sights at the same situation? Competently to build the relations with the mother-in-law, try to define, it concerns what type, and learn, how with it to get on. It will help to pass successfully test which with acquisition of the status of the daughter-in-law is frequently tightened not for one year, — examination on a psychological maturity and family compatibility.

The owner

Heavy case. Single mothers to uncomfortable private life, at which in a life unique pleasure — the beloved sonny happen owners more often. Any pretender to a role of the wife of the son causes in the potential mother-in-law frank hostility, and its marriage it perceives as impudent abduction of a private property. To please it it is practically impossible, after all the standard — she.

Confrontation with similar type of the mother-in-law does not give positive results but only aggravates family crisis: to change other person it is practically impossible, especially, if he has not ripened for changes. It is necessary to hope only, that this selfish woman at last will reconsider own sights and will cease to exhaust others. Or you deserve a praise of the husband of type: "At you the borsch has turned out almost as at my mum, and a shirt you iron as it". Or your man himself will want to pass from a command "mother's sonnies" in a category "adult husbands".

Eternally young

Quite successful variant. Such woman always was beautiful and desired for men. Till now she watches herself, has many gentlemen and conducts active private life. The mother-in-law will not have anything against marriage of the son, but can be afraid of a role of the grandmother as it begins to remind it of age. Such women ask all life to address to them by name — ljusja, Allochka... This mother-in-law will not interfere with a life of a young family as it is occupied by itself. Its son, most likely, becomes the ideal husband as in families with such type of mothers the cult of the woman reigns, and men are undemanding and are able to be in charge of housekeeping. To have good relations with the mother-in-law, do not stint compliments. Do not try to eclipse its dresses and a youth, it will cause envy and will provoke a competition. To it it will be pleasant, if you invite her to any cultural action, showing to that, that it the interesting person in itself, and not just as the appendix to the son. It is possible to consult on it concerning a clothes or a make-up. A gift to it to make easily: an elegant scarf to a target suit or a tube of good lipstick quite will approach.

Traditsionalistka

It will very delicately enter herself in a family of the son. Often adheres to traditional sights at family way, considers, that mission of the woman in sacrificial service to the man, but to her sacrifice of pleasure does not bring.

Problem — in its not realised internal installation: to live in misfortunes and difficulties, instead of with pleasure. Most likely, it is not arranged in private life, could not realise itself in work and is not able to live in harmony with associates that paints for it the world in grey colour.

Try to marry the mother-in-law or help to find to it hobby (it can be useful and for you if you charge it care of a summer residence or care of pets). Try not to afflict with its stories about the prosperity, complain about troubles and problems is better. In difficult situations you can safely address to it for the help, it will gain. Sympathy in your address from its party is the best way for an establishment of equal mutual relations "girlfriends by misfortune".

Carried away

Is not content with a role of mother and the mistress of the house, and aspires to realise itself in professional work and happens completely it is absorbed by work. It with pleasure and hunting will transfer you the right to care of the son and even about herself if you want. This mother-in-law is not torn to help with difficult situations and not very much is interested in grandsons. But sincerely considers, that you should build the life, therefore does not interfere, does not bother with notations and does not give councils. Sometimes, the truth, happens is whimsical, but with it it is easy to find common language in the rest: it is deprived prejudices and is quite tolerant to another's opinion.

You wish to gain it? Be interested in its work is more often. Thus it is not important, that you understand nothing the finance, in eyes did not see a laser microscope or do not distinguish creativity the Bass from Tiyo, MAIN thing — to listen to it with full attention and genuine interest. And if something you will remember from its stories and explanations then you can flash knowledge before less educated public.

Brood hen

It is type of sacrificial mother, the benevolent mother-in-law and the philoprogenitive grandmother. The daughter-in-law becomes for it the daughter. "Brood hen" considers the family and a family of the son as a single whole. Therefore will be active to oppose to your attempts to live independently. Tasty house suppers to you are provided, ideal cleanliness in apartment too. And it will indulge infantile behaviour of adult children. Certainly, it is easily possible to shift the lion's share of economic cares but then there is a risk imperceptibly on the mother-in-law to get to it to slavery. In this case important skilfully to balance between its care, mutual trust and own independence. Otherwise your husband and reMAINs "the mother's sonny" till an old age, and you will cease to understand, where your own desires, and where the fritters imposed by the mother-in-law instead of fruit salad.

Komandirsha

In the family she has got used to solve all, and behind others a vote almost does not recognise. You, of course, can express of the mother-in-law own opinion into its or any other account, but consider, that it will be obviously wrong. And in the answer there is a risk to receive a stutter of a machine gun from charges, morals and orders. If has got used to submit, you can live together with "komandirshej", especially if she has approved a choice of the son.

However if you the person quite independent, do not suffer another's intervention during the life is better to meet the mother-in-law only on the big holidays and in words always to agree. Or to take of a position of the observer. MAIN thing to keep advantage and not to fall before household scandals. The mother-in-law will estimate your persistence and hardness as the strong personality is capable to recognise only other strong personality.

The mother-in-law-hypochondriac

It all time aches, that complains of a lumbago on pokalyvanija though the reason of its indispositions for doctors to find it is not possible. Actually it not illness, and a way of life and the family device when all relatives serve the imaginary patient from what the family becomes splochennej, and the mother-in-law receives attention and general care. You can join in offered game and to become a member of it "a mug on interests". If such role does not approach you, try to be from it on respectful distance, after all ipohondricheskie moods can deduce and you from composure. And if you are inspired enough, also itself will start to search at yourself to nobody for known illness on pair with the mother-in-law.

Ideal

This mother is glad, if to well her son. It not begins to interfere with your relations. You will always find at it the help. She will take your part if you will quarrel with the husband. The part of its fault will incur, including it a lack of the education. The son will try to learn everything, that is able itself, and you should not play a role of the servant. You will want to name her mother. She sincerely rejoices to any sign on attention. You think, such mothers-in-law do not happen? Allow to trust in miracles!

The information is taken:

The teenage age concerns the so-called critical periods of human life. Positive sense of teenage crisis that through it, through struggle for independence, the struggle which is occurring in rather safe conditions and not accepting extreme forms, the teenager satisfies requirements for self-knowledge and self-affirmation. It not simply has a feeling of a self-trust, but the ways of behaviour allowing it and further to cope by vital difficulties are formed.

Thus it is important to parents to mean, that crisis symptoms are not shown constantly, it is faster the incidental phenomena though at times they repeat often enough. Intensity of crisis symptoms and ways of their expression also are various.

podezno the nobility

According to psychologists, there are two basic ways of course of teenage crisis. The first – independence crisis. Its symptoms – obstinacy, obstinacy, negativism, willfulness, depreciation of adults, the negative relation to their requirements which were earlier carried out, the protest-revolt, jealousy of the property. It is some jerk forward, an exit for limits of old norms, rules. "I any more the child".

The second – dependence crisis. Its symptoms – excessive obedience, dependence from senior or strong, recourse to old interests, tastes, behaviour forms. It is return back, to that position, to that system of relations which guaranteed emotional well-being, feeling of confidence, security. "I the child also wish to reMAIN it".

During teenage age parents face the whole mountain of the problems complicating dialogue with the teenager. These are the most difficult years in dialogue with the loved one, they can change the scenario of relations in a family. For simplification of dialogue it is possible to address to following rules.

It is necessary to estimate and encourage any positive behaviour of the child, to try not to focus attention on the negative moments. It does not mean, that it is necessary to shut eyes to tricks of your teenager. It is important to understand, that the child does not have not enough dialogue and approval from adults, and such inadequate behaviour can be directed on attraction of your attention (shouts, alcohol, drugs and cigarettes). In this case it is better to give to the child this attention without provocations from its party.

If the child speaks with you about problems at school, means, it has considered necessary with you to share. In this case it is not necessary to perceive negative behaviour of the child at school only as its fault. It is better to talk to the child about that, as though he wanted, that would be at school. And also to try to present itself on a place of your child and to estimate a situation.

If punishment is inevitable, it is not necessary to resort to violence. Where more effectively to deprive of the child of privileges. Naturally, it does not concern such things as meal. For example, the child it is possible to deprive of possibility to watch TV. Also it is necessary to avoid material compensation not to generate behaviour only for the sake of profit. It is necessary to explain always to the teenager because of what it deprive of privileges, but thus it is obligatory to listen and its point of view.

Never it is necessary to threaten the child as in you he sees support. Otherwise it should seek support elsewhere or in vodka and cigarettes. Sneers, threats and punishments in what will not result. It is better to use belief as it is unique a true way.

Important accurately to formulate the requirements – that you from it wait. And to explain, that the positive behaviour will result in positive consequences. It is benefit for both parties. It is possible to give an example that behaviour which is comprehensible and it is desirable both for you and for the child. Besides, it is possible to create system of unacceptable behaviour together with the child and gradually to raise a lath of this behaviour. It is necessary to remunerate the teenager at each stage of improvement of behaviour.

One more important point in dialogue with the adolescent – it is necessary to avoid use of labels in dialogue with the child as he can apprehend it as your estimation of its behaviour and the given fact can lead to the inadequate, underestimated self-estimation.

And MAIN thing – to the child it is necessary to be respectful, pamjatuju that the teenager acquires the most part of values and norms, imitating significant adults for it. Thus, if the child does not have close connection with the parents at it will be a few possibilities and desire to imitate it or to appropriate their norms of behaviour. In the absence of such internal core (the control values), children's aggression, most likely, will be shown at once, is direct also in the social image.

Galina Angiju

According to a site

One of the most effective methods of education psychologists name education by love. This method most simple and natural, not demanding special knowledge and abilities. About this method speech in the program will go today.

Even the adult, according to known psychologists (for example, Eric Berna), for normal state of health, good mood the certain quantity of embraces, kisses, "poglazhivany" in day (at everyone - "measure") is necessary. It is proved, that if the person receives less caresses, it becomes irritable, feels lonely and to nobody necessary. If for the adult person so positive emotions, for the kid they vital are important!

Already in a tummy at mum the child feels a touch, distinguishes sounds (especially mum's and daddy's voice), sees muffled light. If mum regularly talks to it, strokes the stomach, emotional contact is come into. The child starts to "answer" with pushes, postukivanijami, increase or activity fall. The kiddies who have appeared at parents, which else till a birth communicated with them, are quieter, develop faster, are steady against stresses. In general with them there are less than problems because parents understand them is better.

In the first months of a life kozhno-muscular sensations are the basic source of impression, help to learn own body and world around. Then to emotional reactions are added visual, acoustical, olfactory. Why kids in children's MAINs so differ from the "house" contemporaries? - They are timid, neuverenny, start to sit, go, speak later, at them the imagination, memory and thinking is badly developed. Such kids lag behind many age norms. All speaks very simply - near to the child there is no loved one who reacts to its each movement, a smile, crying, krjahtenie which often takes on hands, gently presses, shakes, calms and praises. Till 3th years constant presence of mum or other adult is necessary for the child.

Still more recently (in 60-70 years) it was normal, that mum of the kid in some months after a birth of the child came to work, and the baby gave to a day nursery. To parents advised not to indulge the child, not to take on hands without special necessity, to give a dummy for calm more often. The result of such education is pitiable - the generation of people with the weakened health, with many psychological problems, such as uneasiness, zakompleksovannost and fears has grown.

Many already adult people face problems at creation of own family since them have not learnt to share in the childhood love, attention.

Now scientists have proved necessity of "tender" education. Maturing, becoming independent, the person bears in itself a charge of parental love and attention. In process of growth of the small little man it is necessary for parents to watch, that «the emotional tank» child was not devastated. The it is fuller, the the child is better develops, the it is easier to bring up it.

And now about of what "tender" education consists?

It, first of all, contact of eyes. The loving sight of parents, readiness to react to crying, laughter, any movement can calm, support, amuse, and punish too can. The child requires such contact since the birth.

Physical contact is included too into tools of tender education. And, this and so-called "sloppy sentimentality", and «the bear pranks». All depends on age, specific features of the child, its temperament. The child never will outgrow requirement for physical contact, the form of its display varies only. The baby requires in poglazhivanii, gentle embraces; the preschool child loves as kisses, embraces, and noisy games, stirrings, poshchipyvanija. The the child is more senior, the further it keeps away from parents, but physical contact in the form of kisses, friendly pohlopyvany and embraces is still necessary for it.

And he allows to feel steadfast attention to the kid, that the most important little man in the world. At least 5-10 minutes in day parents should devote to the child and only to it, having forgotten about the affairs. It can be both game, and conversation, both book reading, and any other general employment. Thus nothing should distract the adult (the TV, phone, house affairs etc.).

Only having satisfied requirement of the child for emotional contact, parents can achieve discipline and independence. "Good" education is easier for achieving, when the child feels, that it sincerely love and accepts such what it is, not trying to humiliate.

It is possible to embrace, kiss simply the child, it is possible to tell, how it is strong you it love, what he clever, good to underline its advantages. The love and caress does not happen much!

Galina Angiju

On site materials:

Our adviser - Tamara the CHATTERER, the doctor of psychological sciences, the professor, MAIN expert of laboratory of social psychology of Institute of psychology of NPA.

Many parents are frightened off by already this word-combination.

And after all to speak about it, it is necessary to answer a question first of all: whether are children sexual beings? The answer of scientists is unequivocal – yes.

And the answer of parents and teachers is frequently directly opposite. Many of them consider, that sexuality – a prerogative of adults, and displays of sexuality of the child – that other, as imitation immoral behaviour of ill-bred people.

These are erroneous belief which are reflected by a sacramental phrase of Soviet times «sex at us is not present». The concept of children's sexuality exists, and children at any age is free or involuntarily are interested in sexuality questions, require it for the best understanding of and associates.

One of the most important reasons of negation of sexual education of children – erroneous opinion, that dedication of the child in secrets of intimate affinity will cause early sexual activity.

However practice «training to sexuality» programs in the different countries testifies to the return: as it has appeared, among senior pupils by whom the course of bases of sexology was read, the quantity not planned beremennostej has sharply decreased.

Besides, these girls considerably after the coevals started to enter intimate relations.

Therefore the most important problem of parents: to learn children to concern sexuality both with pleasure, and with responsibility.

According to psychoanalysts, sexuality of children is an aspiration to pleasure from the body as a whole. Normal development of the person of the child depends on degree of its satisfaction.

Therefore, if parents actively do not approve these displays of sexuality of the child or punish, in the future sex for it will be always connected with negative emotions. And from here take sources the psychological reasons of frigidity, a sadism, mazohizma, homosexualities etc.

Just the children's age when the child passes five stages of psychosexual development, and predetermines the future behaviour of the adult.

1 stage – from a birth about one year

Features

Sosanie and chewing – MAIN pleasures of the kid from a birth till first year of a life. Active actions of the baby when he achieves sosanija, the breast bites, dynamically sucks, embracing her hands, speak not only one requirement for meal. If this activity does not meet resistance from mum, at the baby the feeling of safety and well-being will develop.

It is necessary to know

At this stage installation «me is formed love». Not casually in modern researches it is underlined, that the future sensuality of a body, sensation of trust to other person depend from tender pelenanija, poglazhivany, bathings. They allow the child to feel value own corporal "I" which reMAINs during all life.

Errors

The lack of pleasure from sosanija generates aspiration of constant support of the pleasures connected with area of a mouth. It is shown in propensity to alcohol and smoking, a bulimia (gluttony) or an anorexia (to refusal of meal), a habit to gnaw nails, verbal aggression and spasms in a throat.

2 stage – from a year to two

Features

The child studies to use a pot, it is interesting to it, it receives from it pleasure. He does not feel disgust for the excrement, accepts them, as a part of the body. And even brings a pot to brag – so originally it allocates significant people for it.

It is necessary to know

If parents underline unsuccessful steps of the child on a way to independence, often show discontent with its behaviour "I" of the kid reMAINs weak and uncertain.

And still right now the child has an ability to give the love another.

Errors

Punishment of the kid for control loss over an excrement or for excessive demonstrativnost can give subsequently a push to development in it of such qualities as a pedantry, avarice, excessive accuracy, and also to serve as the reason of mental frustration: an enuresis (an urine incontience), enkopreza (any or involuntary allocation kala).

3 stage – from two till five years

Features

The child starts to be interested in a structure of genitals (and the, and other people), sometimes are got by the first experience masturbatsii. The third stage name genitalnoj, however it does not mean at all, that genitalnaja activity its MAIN sign.

On each of the previous stages the child the behaviour tried to draw attention of mum which for the baby is MAIN source of pleasure. And mum any more does not play such role this stage.

As this period causes in parents most of all questions, we will stop on it more in detail. All children of preschool age show sexual interest.

It begins with "difficult" questions («Aunts give birth to girls, and uncles – boys?», «and what for daddies if all children are given birth by mums are necessary?», «mums that, at first eat the baby, and then give birth?»).

Then sexual activity can be shown in peeping for the bared adults, games in "doctor" with an undressing, the deliberate use of the rough words brought from street.

It is necessary to know

As motives of such behaviour informative interests act not erotic, but. And having satisfied curiosity, children are usually easily switched to something another. The balance of interest to sexual sphere with inquisitiveness displays in other directions means, that at the child all is normal!

Errors

1. To parents it is necessary to try to name correct genitals, standard names.

Type words "pipa", "zvonochek", "pusik", etc. do not approach. Their use frequently leads to that the child, becoming is more senior, hesitates of such "house" names more and more and as a result expands the dictionary with the borrowed vulgar rough street definitions.

How parents name genitals, forms the certain relation to the body at the child.

2. Children perceive the relation of parents to genitals through their intonation, a look, remarks and comments. If the child hesitates of that «below a belt», insists that nobody looked when it changes clothes (some even insist on that them bathed in shorts), it testifies to the scornful relation of parents to intimate places.

As the German sexologist R.Nojbert underlines, possibility in the early childhood to observe nakedness of parents or other children is very useful. It will delay too early sexual inclinations, which frequent reason in interest to that is concealed.

3. In sexual games of the preschool children accompanied vzaimoissledovaniem of intimate places, even very frank, actually it is few of anything sexual: they are a method of satisfaction of informative interests.

Therefore if parents find children «on hot», it is not necessary to show the displeasure, anger, indignation. Such emotions only will let to children know, that any corporal sensuality is sinful.

Difficult question

Especially the nursery masturbatsija excites parents. Masturbatsija in itself it is absolutely not harmful, however if it gets persuasive character operates as stress, exhausting the child mentally and physically.

But children of early age are easy for distracting from self-stimulation by game or other employment.

There are three principal causes of occurrence masturbatsii:

• the Uneasiness caused by deficiency of parental heat, insults, neglect interests of the child;

• Stress, loneliness (especially often meets at "unsuccessful" children).

• Studying by the child of own body.

• Non-observance of norms of hygiene of a body (an itch at oprelostjah and dermatite, worms, close clothes).

If earlier about masturbatsii it was spoken only in negative aspect now it is considered more often as a positive, than a negative.

Today it is considered norm in sexual behaviour of the child, of course, except for that which accompanies mental frustration and is shown in the demonstrative, rough or persuasive form.

Naturally, to parents who have faced a nursery masturbatsiej, it is important to understand its reasons and features: epizodichna it or is regular, persuasive or any. It is necessary not to eradicate a "bad" habit and to avoid possible complications.

4 stage – from 6-7 till 11-12 years

Features

As at this age the child starts to learn social roles, interpersonal relations, moral bases of behaviour, sexual impulses of the child appear suppressed or are in the braked condition.

Now the ideal period for study. Though it is necessary to notice, that masturbatsija and sexual games take place and at this stage, but often stop, being transformed to process of training and world around knowledge.

Interest to the world of intimate relations becomes deeper: «That such a condom and what for it is necessary?», «why linings offer only to women? Men do not use them?», «why adults do not allow to look to children films about sex?», «why at abrupt children it is a lot of girls?», «who such prostitutes? Old women can be them?» … they have an interest to development of own body, they begin to worry, how much their appearance corresponds to the standard. And it is absolutely normal.

It is necessary to know

Friendship and prijatelstvo at this age are more concentrated on group activity, than on the individual. At younger schoolboys the liking and friendship arise on the basis of the general employment and games.

Mutual relations of younger schoolboys of a different floor already at all that at preschool age: they become much more emotional. If the preschool child it is easy can "razdruzhitsja" with Olej and at once "make friends" with Katya the second-grader will long worry the conflict which has arisen with the friend.

According to researches, uncertainty in dialogue with an opposite sex of the adult person is predetermined at this particular time. This age – imitation time to adult behaviour, time of formation of style of dialogue with an opposite sex.

Errors

1. Parents should be with children objective and truthful. Both with seven-year and with pjatnadtsatiletnim the child conversation needs to be conducted so that its sense answered the validity, followed from nature laws.

Fairy tales on storks and cabbage are harmful to development of consciousness of the child. Sooner or later he all the same learns, how all occurs actually and will add knowledge with street formation. As a result the child will cease to trust seniors, will concern them with suspicion, as to deceivers.

2. Corrupts the child not the scientific fact, and ignorance! Psychologists warn, that avoiding by parents of "difficult" children's questions gives to these questions still the big appeal.

And that the information on sexuality did not acquire «street knowledge», to be important always ready to answer any question of the child that the child on your primitive answer has not declared once: «Something I did not see, that children under bushes rolled».

5 stage – from 12-13 till 19 years

Features

This stage includes pubertatnyj (from the beginning of the first monthly at girls and the first ejakuljatsy at boys to a stop of growth of a body) and postpubertatnyj the period (before a full psychological and reproductive maturity).

At this time there is a sensuality development, comprehension of the requirements and interests as adult person. If earlier sexuality of the child has been connected with knowledge of own body now sexual interests are directed on an opposite sex.

Sexual impulses concentrate on genitals more: at boys frequency erektsy and ejakuljatsy increases, at girls the breast and vaginalnaja sensuality develops.

It is necessary to know

The raised attentiveness to the appearance at many teenagers raises the doubts and discontent irrespective of, whether there are for them real reasons. After all frequently standards of the teenage environment are overestimated.

Not without reason all this complex of the problems connected with a disturbing self-estimation by teenagers of the appearance, psychologists name «syndrome Kvazimodo» or «a syndrome of the disgusting duckling». It is reflected and in clothes choice, and on a manner it to carry: very few people from teenagers will venture to carry that its coevals do not carry.

The range of sexual behaviour of teenagers extends: about 80 % of young men and girls till 16 years practise a petting (mutual caresses without sexual intercourse). This absolutely safe employment which, under statements of sexologists, deepens and expands a range of sensuality of a body.

Errors

1. For this age period it is necessary the next splash in hobby masturbatsiej (it agree to the statistican, masturbatsii till 15 years had experience 30 % of girls and 90 % of boys).

The inclination causes requirement for a discharge of sexual pressure, and its achievement – pleasure and simultaneously conscience torments. Such internal struggle of the teenager often leads samoedstvu, to strengthening of fears: I not such, as all.

Parents should be very attentive to the child, to its mood that in the necessary moment to support it, to explain, that to it occurs.

2. The teenager aspires to learn about sexuality as much as possible, from here and heightened interest to erotic editions and pornofilms.

This interest is shown and in "graffiti" (drawings of genitals on walls of toilets, corridors, entrances), in active use of obscene lexicon, vulgar names of intimate parts of a body, smakovanii "grease" jokes.

The desire of parents to shame the teenager hardly will yield result, here it is important to explain to the child what to impose to associates the displays of sexuality unethically, and inability to supervise in it characterises it at all from the best party.

It is very important, that teenagers have realised, that sexuality, and a contamination its cynical relation is "dirty" not.

3. The beginning of the sexual life, which average term drops out on the senior teenage (youthful) age, deduces development of the person on a new, "adult" step. The sexual behaviour of teenagers often advances their personal development.

Therefore it is necessary, that parents have explained to children as it is important to be able to expect consequences of the acts, to incur responsibility, to reach mutual understanding with the favourite person.

Here is how this point of view has expressed the psychologist-expert: «Before beginning with teenagers conversation on this theme, I try to submit sexuality in a necessary context. I say to children, that from ten most important signs of adult relations the first are the love and fidelity each other.

On the second place – sense of humour. On the third – ability to communicate. Sex is in second half of list, it, probably, advances distribution of house duties.

Necessarily I say to children, that, as well as the majority of parents, I do not consider, that teenagers really feel necessity for intimate relations. They it is simple to it are ready, their first impressions about sex are usually rather inexpressive.

Knowing, that many teenagers have sex even before leaving school, I speak to them: «If all of you will not listen to me and the parents and do not postpone sex on then, at least, use contraceptives».

Classification of typical children's questions and thoughts «about it»

Till 2-3 years – own body, including genitals, distinctions of bodies of boys and girls, men and women interests.

Till 3-4 years – questions interest: children whence undertake? Who brings them? Why aunts have pot-bellies? Believe, that before getting to mum, the newborn child somewhere existed.

Till 5-6 years – set type questions: how children get to a stomach of mum? How they therefrom leave? How they there grow and develop? Understand conception as process when of something have made something (mum has swallowed tabletochku, the brother) has then turned out.

6-8 years – excite paternity problems: what role of the father in a birth of children? Why children happen similar to the daddies? Whether children at children can be born? And at daddies? Younger pupils know that at this process at least three components: relations of two people, love and wedding, and already then association jajtsekletki and spermatozoida.

9-10 years – have more accurate idea about jajtsekletke and spermatozoidah, however imagine this process not more difficult, than «pestles and stamens».

11-12 years – are capable to understand an anatomic structure of man's and female genitals, maturing in them spermatozoidov and jajtsekletok which can unite, having created a germ of the child.

12 years are more senior - understand not only a process essence, but also its biological algorithm, fruit development in a womb of mother.

MAIN moments

• the Most important thing in sexual education of children – formation of the positive relation to enamoured, to wedding, to intimate relations and a birth of the child.

Already at early preschool age children start to formulate representations about sexual relations, proceeding from own supervision over adults. Seeing as mum the daddy embrace and kiss, obviously receiving thus pleasure, the child gradually starts to understand, that the physical and emotional affinity allows to receive pleasant sensations.

And if the child constantly sees, how parents quarrel among themselves, or hears exclamations «do not touch me!», at it absolutely opposite sight at close relations can develop.

• the Inattention of parents to "difficult" themes, the desire of adults to warn, not to admit, save etc., in the opinion of children transforms sexuality and everything, that with it is connected, in something sad, disturbing, executed fears and bad presentiments, dirty and vicious.

And it is direct road to complexes. Recently interesting interrogation has been spent. Scientists have selected parents, whose position concerning sexual behaviour of children was especially authoritative.

And so, whether all parents on a question «you to children on TV Allow to watch scenes in which there is an easy sensuality or episodes from an intimate life?» Have answered unanimously "is not present". Whether But your children of a scene of violence or murder Look at a question «?», the answer also was unanimous - "yes".

It turns out, what the violence certificate is more attractive in education of the child, than intimate scenes? Much should think of it.

• Some parents try to distract deliberately attention of children from the "indecent" scenes shown on the TV. But children perfectly understand all these dodges and, besides, make wrong opinion on intimate relations.

If the child has appeared nearby when there is such scene, it is not necessary to expel him from a room (if, of course, you do not look at present a frank porno). Here a vivid example on this theme from a life of two brothers, younger schoolboys.

Their parents have been very disturbed by that sons of seven and eight years look films about love in which there are frank scenes. And here once, during the most critical moment when the hero passionately kisses the heroine laying on a back seat of the car, one of boys loudly calls the brother, confirming all fears of parents.

Mum was already ready to switch off the TV as has suddenly heard: «Petka, look, here it and is present« the Cadillac »!»

• Sexual education and education of children should not raise sexually them at all. It is necessary simply and naturally, most usual tone to tell it about all. After all our children good psychologists, and they perfectly feel changes in behaviour of adults, their uncertainty or confusion.

Children do not see any communication between a birth of children and a sensuality, do not understand a difference between questions: «How to distinguish edible fungi from inedible» and «How to distinguish boys from girls», and parents often confusion introduce "adult" implied sense in innocent interest.

• Parents should not to be afraid speak on "delicate" themes with the son or the daughter-teenager. Researches during which time he asked a question have been carried out in the several European countries among teenagers and youth: «To whom you most of all would like to talk about sexual problems?»

As it is surprising, but teenagers answered: «With parents». They even are ready to recognise, that to some extent are guilty that such dialogue does not occur, explaining so: «I am afraid to set questions». The reason? Teenagers are afraid, that parents will "saw" them, or will become angry, or «will lock houses».

Marichka SMEREKA

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